The Soldier, The Spy, and The General
by Caasi
Summary: A 17 year old boy from the Fire Nation, Zheng Cao, uncovers a dark secret behind his family's wealth. Determined to be loyal and make change, he enlists in the army, but his life at the front casts many doubts about what his nation has done. At the Siege of Ba Sing Se under the command of Lieutenant General Lu Ten, Cao must make a choice that could change the future of the war.
1. Prologue

**I'm using this story to test smaller updates, and a few ideas I've had for a while.**

**Fate of the Blind**

**Prologue:**

The things we see and the things we don't, I realized there is little to differentiate between either. We, good soldiers, choose in war to close our eyes and shut our hearts but to do so in ignorance is impossible, not when we are the actors of history. We are the bloody ones, which children never study without further instruction after school, and are only revealed to the trusted studious and intellectual man by the State with a deep interest for the atrocities we committed in the name of our homeland, whatever the reason may be.

My name is Zheng Cao, a soldier of the Fire Nation. I am sorry. I cannot apologize for the entire country (and neither I have a right), but such does not impede me from apologizing for myself, for I have done unspeakable things even against my beliefs. I have betrayed myself believing to be on a path of betterment and development and I am sorry for lying to myself.

I grew up in a world where we were convinced of being civilizers, but never explained on why and how. Such methods I learned only in my later years of youth. We killed, we pillaged, we destroyed, and never I saw reconstruction. I know of the colonies, but those are far and few, and certainly away from the front. It has become clear that between our two armies, the land turns scorched and eroded by the common struggle of man to survive, and so it is impossible to find life.

It is the fear of every soldier to see that breathless landscape spread like a disease, and it is what keeps many standing and fighting. To never see the front fall back towards our settlements, and even our islands, no matter how impossible it may seem. Fear is rarely a logical thing.

Lieutenant General Lu Ten taught me that to keep one's logic, an essential part of our spirit, is key to prevail in the battlefield in and outside combat. A good friend in trying times, he made me understand the value of leadership to a cause, and the importance of hope and determination in our acts to reach our ends, even at cost our own beliefs.

It became clear to me, as it was to him, that our nation was in dire need of reform. The glorious war that had been waged for the last 100 years had brought the Earth Kingdom not to greater heights of civilization, but to the deepest ends of its history. There was no glory, no honor, no light. The war had to end.


	2. Ch1: A Day's End

**Chapter 1: A Day's End**

The shirt in my hands was mine. I pulled it from the water tank, twisted it once more, and got to scrubbing it again. I had managed to fall this morning on wet dirt, and for some reason the stains simply didn't want to leave the fabric. Mom had already warned me to not use white clothes when going into the forest, but I had been kinda sleepy this morning and had completely forgotten. I only remembered the second I got it dirty.

So, I snuck back home to make sure mom wouldn't see me, switched shirts, and had the soiled one sneaked into the pile to clean later. Since I usually did our laundry, this wasn't a problem. Mom would never see the shirt, theoretically, because practically it didn't matter because I had been scrubbing for a while now and the stain was damn persistent.

God damn it.

I looked up to see a beautiful sunny Sunday. The breeze at least was nice. Spring sure was good.

"You are already doing laundry?" I heard my mom's voice, and snapped my neck towards the door to our garden. She had a long summer dress, with the skirt parting midways downwards. She carried a broom, so I imagined she had been cleaning the house. "You never start this early," She noticed.

I pulled my shirt half-way in order to show the clean part. I couldn't have her suspect I was hiding something. "You know how it is. I will have to get this done anyways so I might as well start." I explained. It was true in a way, and those were the best lies.

She nodded with a smile, "And what time are you going to the port? Your father did tell you he needed some help maintaining the ship."

I sighed, "Can't Han do something for once? Isn't he supposed to be an example to me as the older brother?"

"Cao," my mom started and pleaded, "Please, you know how he is…"

"Just because he is leaving for the army doesn't mean he gets to dodge house chores," and then I shook my head. My arms started scrubbing again at a leisurely pace, controlled so that my mom didn't realize the problem I had in my hands. "He does know the army will be worse than our house, right? That's what the normal soldier is also good for. Cleaning and maintaining!"

My mom crossed the door outside and started sweeping the porch, but her eyes were distracted on something I couldn't see. "It will be a shock for him, certainly, but your brother is determined. He will manage."

"Where is he now, even?"

"He told me he would be spending the day with Yang—"

I howled, "He is with a girl?! Come on—"

"Love is a tenuous thing, Cao. You will understand one day, I'm sure," and with that she flashed me a knowing smile. What did you know mom?! Because I'm sure I don't know it myself! I'm single and hopeless!

Unfortunately, with that attention, she eyed the tank and her eyebrows rose. Ah fuck.

"Zheng Cao. What is that?" she asked with a dangerous tone.

"Exactly what you think." I answered in kind. Ah! She didn't expect me to confess straight away, and she is now confused! "I was sleepy this morning, and I didn't—"

She ripped the shirt out of my hands, and it became clear that her confusion had been a sham, "I will handle this," she assured me, and I could see she was mostly unsatisfied with my work. Or just about the fact I had forgotten her warning. Probably both. Then she flashed a relieved smile, "At least is not from your grandmother's. I think you got this from your brother."

"Wait," I asked her and had to hold back my chuckles, "Is that why you told me to not stain my white shirts?"

"White shirts are always a pain to keep clean, but…" my mother hesitated, "I would never hear the end of it. Your father's mother can make one's life difficult, starting by giving to her grandson white shirts."

We shared a laugh, and then mom proceeded to let me pause my chores and enjoy outside while the sun was high in the sky.

We lived in an island at the south of the archipelago of the Fire Nation called Winjun, which was the also the name of our mid-sized village. My family didn't leave in the urban center though. Our house was further into the island, close to the forests and way from people. It could be lonely for some, but I had learned to appreciate moving here. I still saw my friends at school after all, and now back at home I had the option of pursuing some more individual passtimes.

Picking up a book I was midway into, a small one about modern architecture in the capital. The pictures were particularly helpful to understand the descriptions. Climbing a tree close to out house, with a good view over the ceiling of the forest, I propped the book open and let the hours pass. I was always particularly intrigued by the Fire Sage's temples distributed around the islands, but it was so rare to find accurate depictions.

Books on the subject were uncommon, so it made my day when that small and old collection of pages entered in some detail on the structure to hold the towers of the temples. They were basically a collection of arcs over arcs, whose pillars helped not to support the structure, but to support the arcs themselves so that they could distribute the weight.

I realized eventually the sun had gone down by a significant margin and returned home. The rest of the laundry was no hard task, and in an hour I was on my way to port. You see, father was a fisherman, but a rule among his kind was to not fish on Sundays. That didn't mean there was no work, because I can assure you, he worked every day and today was maintenance day.

"Zheng! Your Cao is here!" Jing Lee, a sailor from my father's ship, yelled from the docks, and my father quickly emerged from the deck

The ship itself was smallish, with most of its space prepared for the intakes of the sea. It had two floors and two masts, and a cabin at the end for the crew. I had gone with my father into the sea a few times, but none of those were very memorable. I wasn't sure if sea life didn't like me, but in the forests, I had the freedom to go wherever I felt like. Here, we had work to do, and it wasn't work I enjoyed. Although that did beg the question, what work did I like? What could I do for the rest of my life?

I was starting to get to a point in my life that I needed to start answering some of those questions. I was sixteen after all, and poorer families had their kids make these choices much sooner.

"Cao! Good afternoon, son! Bring me the tools at the end of our loading zone." He yelled and pointed me towards which end he was referring to. Bringing the box on bard was simply a matter of taking hold of the box and crossing the plank inside the ship. Much harder and frustrating was the work to be followed.

My father was experimenting with a charcoal engine, which by no means could propel alone the ship. It could, however, be used to help the crew when there's less wind. He had built a small machine room, due to constrains on how the cargo space was divided, and now he needed me to perform some mechanical changes. I was smaller he said. It would be easy he promised.

There went the rest of my Sunday.

The trip back home was quicker since a friend of my father let us join his caravan, dropping us close enough that the walk took five minutes. Mother was already preparing dinner, rice with stew, so we had arrived at prime time. The house was perfumed by the smell of the food. If I was starving, I'm sure my father was one the same boat. Few minutes after we were home, Han arrived a foul mood.

"Honey, pass me the rice." Mom asked dad with a tired look.

The current conversation was a delicate one, and as always, it was because Han was talking. "I don't think she understand me anymore, these last few weeks have been-"

"Son," father started, "you are going to war. I think it is perfectly reasonable for her to feel lonely and perhaps, abandoned."

"I'm not abandoning her!" Han protested, "I'm protecting her. That's what we are supposed to do in times of war!"

My dad was lazily playing with his bowl. "Times of war certainly demands more of the common men than times of peace, but just as serving is a sacrifice, not serving can be one too."

"How can staying home be a sacrifice? You think Yang believes I'm running from her?"

"I doubt that's what going through her mind," my mom spoke, but didn't clarify.

"No, but doing something about that can assuage her worries, no?" I asked the table, and after turned to Han, "Would it be such a bad idea to ask her in marriage? I mean, isn't that where you guys are going?"

Han didn't answer immediately. "I though so too. But, she doesn't understand-"

"What doesn't she understand?" my mom asked with a icier tone.

Han seemed to be lacking words, "She doesn't get what I want to be."

"What do you think you want to be?" mother shot.

"Important! Something more. I don't want to end up like an old man on fucking ship catching fish for the rest of my life!"

Father didn't say anything, but I'm sure he had something in his mind. Mom had the floor however.

"Staying back, instead of appealing to your arrogance Han, is what Yang is wishing you did. She sees a future with you, but with the war, there's a chance you won't be coming back!"

"Then so be it! A heroic death, I would've helped my country, I would've helped the Fire Lord, this island, this village, and you all!"

I looked away from the table and outside through our window, muttering, "Dying in some god forsaken land hardly seems heroic."

"What did you say?" Han turned towards me.

I looked back at him and hardened my expression. "If the Earth Kingdom is such a land of savages and primitives, why are we wasting Fire Nation men to conquer rubble? How is it that dying thousands of kilometers from home helps us at all. Mom and dad need you here, not crushed by a rock—"

"What Cao means," my father interrupted me just as Han was about to say the same, "is that after almost a hundred years, it is not unreasonable to think we past a certain point."

"Really? Which point, my historian fisherman?" Han inquired with cheek.

"That we have wasted too many good boys and girls away from their families."

Father was talking about his brother. Zheng Zhao.

"Uncle was a brave man—" Han started, but father didn't let him continue.

"Certainly, but what of his legacy, Han? We couldn't stop you from enlisting, but we aren't giving up on making you think. Tell me, what did uncle leave us with?"

"Hope that the war would end!"

"Where has that lead you?" my father asked. Han hesitated, and my father continued, "It led you to follow his footsteps. You may become a war hero, you are right. Maybe you are destined for greater things than your fisherman dad can possibly comprehend, beyond my knowledge and experience. But probably not. And then, you will be just one more brother who's left and died, while Cao will live on, have kids, and then they will look at you the same way you look at Zhao."

"Well, if I had kids, chance was they wouldn't meet Han so—" I observed, and my father shot me a look that made me shut up. I got it. That was past his point.

"I'm proud of you both, children," my father told us, "You and Cao have grown up to be careful with what you believed and do a good job at not taking anything at face value. That's all I and you mother wanted, or at least what we thought we wanted. It seems I forgot to teach you not just the means, but also the good ends. A peaceful life, somewhere safe and stable, which is why your mother and I left the main island. You kids can be whatever you want, I don't expect you to follow my footsteps into the sea—"

Really?

I shot my hand up, but didn't wait for something such as permission to talk. "Can I be an architect?"

Mother raised an eyebrow and smiled, while father kept his face neutral. "Sure, but then you have to make sure your grades go up. You need to study for something like that, lest a building falls and kills dozens."

Nice dad. Now I definitely feel encouraged. I nevertheless nodded.

"Point is," dad continued once more, and I saw his chopsticks were about to break, "Han, just because you think dying in war is glorious, it doesn't mean it is. I'm sure you will find people who think like you but let me tell you very straight forwardly one thing. Legacy is measured by impact. There is chance you can make that impact, but you probably won't, and there's better ways to do so. I would prefer my nation to be a place of artists, poets, doctors, mechanics, and… architects, then a country that lives to sustain an army."

Han had his arms crossed, and I had a feeling he was closing himself from whatever dad was trying to tell him. "You are nothing, neither of you!" he looked at mom too and I felt a pang anger. "And what's your legacy fisherman?"

"You." My father said simply, looking at me and my brother. "You both."

The rest of the dinner followed in silence.

A year later we received in our home two soldiers, each with a letter and a box. My brother, Zheng Han, was dead.


	3. Ch2: Loyalty, Obedience, and Sacrifice

**Chapter 2: Loyalty, Obedience, and Sacrifice**

I want to see my boy.

That's all mother could say to the messengers. Inside the box were but his ashes, since carrying the body would've required extra logistic that were simply not available. My brother, Zheng Han, had received three extra ranks with his death due to his heroic deeds against an ambush in the desert in the Earth Kingdom, but it was still to low for the country to care about his funeral.

I think I understood that the State needed to have certain priorities, but mother wasn't having none of it. She had taken the messenger by his shoulder with strength I couldn't recognized, shaken the man enough for his bones to play a song as string in a guitar. Father had to intervene, and held her close to his chest.

I didn't stay for the rest. I had been watching the scene from outside the entrance hall, and left the house through the garden, climbing the fence, jumping towards a thick branch of a tree and landed with a roll on a parch of plane ground. From then on I ran.

I just had so much energy suddenly, that I'm sure if I was a firebender I could've bent the sun. I was simply angry, raging at my impotence first of all. It was a question that kept banging on my head for the following days.

Should have I done something?

What could I have done?

How could I have known?

Well, when people go to war, they usually live, or die. I guess that was a giveaway I missed. It seems so obvious in hindsight, how could we have not known this had been a terrible idea?

Why didn't our parents stop him?

Well, how could they have done that? How could I have done it? Restrain him? I find hard to believe we could have held him when he was the stronger of us. But even before thinking about the physical limitations of my family in the face of my brother, did we have a right? A right to put an end to his ambitions?

The school bell rang twice to start our second interval. Our village had two schools, and I studied at the one closer to the port in case my father needed my help. We had two full periods, each divided in three classes, and an interval always before the last class. First, we had Language & Literature, Mathematics and History. Those were the core. In the afternoon were the electives, which we had for the last two years in school.

My father had pushed me to take Management, arguing that no matter my future, having an idea on how to do basic finances and logistics was extremely useful. I don't think the teacher was very good though. Father did usually a better job at explaining some stuff than he did at school. The other two classes had been chosen by my personal preference, Arts for architecture and Mechanics because, well, you need to build the building somehow, right?

I had been trying to focus on classes, trying to forget the room in my house that would forever remain empty. Mom had left it untouched since Han left, and now she didn't have the courage to enter it.

The school courtyard was fenced on two sides, while the other two were besides the main classroom buildings. Over the benches, on the top, I bit a piece of bread that was left from my first interval. Besides me were my two friends, the ones I actually kept close, not just classmates.

Yun Lee was an easygoing guy, but always ready for action. There was little he couldn't stomach. Unfortunately, this was one of those things. He hadn't been able to say much in the first interval, placing a hand on my shoulder and failing to find the right words. Ironically, it was my other friend, Chen Lin, who helped me get through the first day of school.

She just hugged me. It was good hug for sure, she held me tight. I felt my heart calming down and my muscles relaxing slightly. My neck had gotten stiff during the night, which only worsened my poor sleep quality.

Lin was always the smart one, but she was also extremely quiet. For example, she studied our school's book in advance, and I was sure she knew the answer to most questions asked in class, and yet she never had raised her hand. Once I asked her about it, and she had simply shrugged it off, saying it wasn't worth it.

"You know," Lee he gestured as he tried to find the right sentence, "Do you know how you want to go? I mean, to whatever is on the other side?"

Architecture wasn't going to kill me, I hoped. It would be a pretty disrespectful way to go if I had to be honest. Maybe a construction accident?

"But what's on the other side?" Lin wondered.

"Spirits have to come from somewhere—"

"Oh, oh, wait—" Lee raised a hand, "You of all people believes in that, Cao?"

I shrugged, "Mom and dad believe."

"Of all things to not question, Cao choses spirits." Lin even clapped. "I can't believe we hadn't noticed."

"I actually have." I said, and I somewhat wanted to take it back. Father had told me to be discrete with certain things… but I could talk about this with my friends, right? I looked at the bread I had left in my hand, at the crumbles I had in my palms and continued, "All the books we have learned in the past few years, the literature, the history, it's all focused on the last… what? 150 years? And there's nothing that isn't about… our home, our country, and our landscapes."

"What you mean?" Lee asked, a finger pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I've actually given thought to this," Lin offered, "There's a lot books and art with simply, a lack of thought?"

"Books have pages within though, and they have to be written. No one is going to waste paper on empty books." Lee argued, "What is the 'thought' you mention?"

"Lee, you know the poems we read last year? Like, the whole year?" Lin asked, and continued at Lee's hum. "After a certain point, you don't need to know really what the author meant. At the tests, I didn't even need to go line by line to puzzle the message together. There's a current that flows in art, parallel to history," she grabbed a twig from besides her and started running its tip along the veins of the wooden bench we were on," and the arts, the languages, our culture is a reflection of the moment and the close history." And there she took the twig of at the end of the vein. "what happens after the present?"

Lee eyed her warily and looked after at me, "Is this a trick question, Cao?"

I shook my head, "I think she has something in mind."

"How do you create new things?" she asked us, "The future, we don't want to actually live the same day forever do we? We want to try new things—"

"Says the least adventurous bookeagleworm of this school," I observed, "But I get what you mean."

"So, for the last hundred years, we done the same things?" Lee asked, and we gave an unsure nod. At least my nod was unsure, since I wasn't an expert on the matter. Lin was the one who actually wanted to write after school was done so I was trusting her on this.

Lin nodded once again. I wondered how much time she had devoted to this subject by herself. I suppose it made sense due to her personal interest. "I have been asking myself when does something new start."

"What's the message?" I asked her.

"Sorry?"

"The message from last years poems. What's your own interpretation of it?"

She eyed the courtyard and the school bangs rang. We had our last class to attend, and people started moving. I stood there waiting for her to answer, and I had a feeling she was eyeing people returning to the building, waiting to for more privacy.

"Loyalty, obedience to the Royal Family, and… sacrifice. Then you just have to relate to either civil construction, the military, or whatever you can imagine."

I hardly paid any attention to class afterwards. I had ideas boiling and steaming in my head. Conclusions that I was sure, if I said out loud, would get me into trouble. I exchanged goodbyes with my two friends afterwards and we parted ways. I didn't go home, however. I went to the house of an old friend of the family who had long ago stopped coming over.

I was very young at the time, so I wasn't sure why Hayato had stopped visiting. I still saw him across the village a few times, and we always exchanged a sympathetic wave to each other, but that was the extent of it. The day I asked my father about it he had simply told me he had grown busy with work.

And he was a writer.

I stopped before the gate to his house, which was open. I noticed that the metal gate had a flower, a half to each door, and the garden was colored by different plants. The house had two floors, and although it wasn't large, it was more than enough for one person. I suspected he lived alone.

Reaching his front door, I knocked three times. When it opened, the first thing I saw was his cane, a wooden stick with a handle of silver, followed by a hunched figure in long brown robes.

"Zheng Cao," he rasped my name as he looked at me from top to bottom, "You really are your father's son. How is he?"

"It's been complicated." I tried to explain.

"I… heard." He cringed, "Small town, kid. It's hard to keep secrets around here. I'm sorry for your loss. It's never easy. But to what do I have the honor of your visit?"

"Thank you," I bowed, "I just have a few questions. Friend of mine is into writing and… we were wondering on how easy it was to make a life out of it. Since I knew you I thought it would be wise to check right with the source."

"I see." He told me, taking a few steps to get outside and closing the door behind him. "I do have to go to the market. Care to keep an old man company? I'm sure I can answer a few questions."

I nodded.

We walked besides the dirt road at his pace. He would use his stick to support his left leg, and I took his right to make sure I didn't kick his the cane.

"First question?" he prodded.

"How easy it is to write? I mean, as a job?"

"It is no easy task." He stated, his free hand stroking his grey beard. "It requires discipline, and lots of patience."

"Patience? Does it take long to write?"

"It takes long to write something useful. But you never stop writing, it's just that most of it is garbage."

"What's garbage?"

"What do you mean, kid?"

I had a hand stroking my chin, "How do you define what's good and what's not?"

"You grow a sixth sense. After enough time and experience getting things published, you get to understand what's a bit shit and what is completely bullshit. The first almost never gets published. The second probably has a chance."

I chuckled, "Does that have to do with 'art not selling'?"

Hayato stopped and I did to a couple of steps after when I realized, "No one likes art. Not even artists. What sells is what the market wants. I wished someone had told me that in the beginning," he resumed the walk and I followed.

"Let's say I'm practical, and I'm willing to be a mercenary," Hayato chuckled and I continued, "is there a good way to know what the market wants?"

"There's two. Check what sells or ask the publishers what they want. There's only a few of them after all, so that isn't really a difficult task."

This time I was the one who stopped, "But who sets the wants? The market or the publishers?"

Hayato only stopped after I had finished my question. He turned slightly and I saw him measuring me.

"I think you know the answer to that question, no? But tell me, Cao, what's your biggest worry about being a writer?"

"I… what happens if you write something new? What if you don't want to write about something that already exists?"

"Such as a fantasy? A fairy tale?" he inquired.

I took a couple of seconds, "Something with new ideas."

Hayato nodded, "Well, as long as those ideas make _sense_, I'm sure you can. Just be careful, Cao. You will find that some people have narrower minds than your parents."

My breathing hitched, "Hayato, we were told in school that the Earth Kingdom censors their defeats to avoid panic and continue to have soldiers to fight with. They control which information is spread—"

The old man hummed, and his eyes were on me, "What are you saying, Cao?"

I felt my temper faltering me. Hayato had been a close friend, once, but he wasn't anymore most probably. Perhaps, there was a day I could ask this questions to him, but could I do it now?

I felt I couldn't speak with my parents yet. They were still too embroiled in Han's passing. If I touched sensitive subjects, I was afraid they wouldn't speak their minds. They would restrain themselves.

I didn't want to be restrained.

"Well, the publishers," I started, and used hand gestures for the mask of a young man trying to understand something greater, "I'm trying to piece together what you told me," nothing better than involving him in order to push suspicions towards himself, "Do they choose what ideas to spread? I just want to know what I should be writing about, sir."

Hayato nodded with some difficulty, "I see those questions are well intentioned, Cao. Be careful, nevertheless. Some people might not take the nature of these… inquires too well. We are reaching the village, so perhaps it would be best for us to part ways. I advise you to speak with your parents about this," I felt my temperature fall to negative degrees. Did he want me out to rat on me? Had I pushed him enough for that? I said nothing incriminating… ok, the Earth Kingdom comparison was unneeded. We aren't savages. Still…

"Of course sir," I answered politely.

We parted ways, actually, he did. Not me. I stalked him for the rest of the day. I let him see me go, turned a couple blocks away and ran in order to buy something that changed my outfit. Passing by Ms. May store, I bought some white powder, cheap brown cloth with a few strings, and the cheapest broom, took out its stiff fibers, which were connected to the handle by a sleeve and a screw, and placed them over my head in the public bathrooms. Applying the powder I whitened my skin a bit, but did not exaggerate. Ripping some of the cloth, I made a hat by tying it over my head by tying the top with a string. Next, I wrapped my self in the cloth to make some sort of long dress that could cover my legs and chest, and held it together with the rest of the strings.

Looking over the mirror, it was obvious to anyone up close something wasn't right with this fair lady. My chin was too well defined, and my hair was extremely short. This, however, would allow myself to hide my profile.

If anyone recognized me, I had to think of a cover story, and I made one up while I dressed up. This would be for a play I was planning with Lee and Lin for the end of the year school spectacles. They would buy that.

Leaving the bathrooms, fortunately no one noticed a girl leaving the male stalls.

I returned to the path I would most likely find Hayato, one I would imagine an old man trying to get his stuff as quickly as possible, and managed to find him on the way to the market as he had told me. Relief washed over me. I kept between us a couple of blocks distance. It was easy to see him due to his height, and yet, hunched back. You could also see from afar that he walked with a cane, which further eased my surveillance.

He did go to the market as promised. I walked around, pretending to see products while keeping an eye, and it was one of the most boring end of afternoons I've had in a while. I mean, I did have my heart beating at full speed the whole time, but eventually I just felt the fatigue.

Then, finally, I saw him with a letter, unopened. Had he bought and written on it? Had he received it? I had seen it. I had no idea what that letter was about and… he delivered it to someone. A scrawny kid from my school, some boy named Tao… he worked with delivery as a part time.

As they parted ways, I had to make a choice. Follow the old man back home, and make sure he didn't stop anywhere else, or follow the letter?

Could I steal it? No. He would know, he could find out later.

I satisfied myself by simply following the Tao and reached what appreaded to be his final destination… the docks. He entered one of the piers, one that I was all to familiar with and saw him deliver the letter to none ofther than my own father, who had been back from the sea already at this hour.

The letter was to him.


	4. Ch3: Agents of the Flower

**Chapter 3: Agents of the Flower**

* * *

I think mother fell asleep like a rock. It made sense, since she had hardly slept the night before according to the bags under her eyes. She had to, eventually, since I'm sure the body would just give up if it didn't get enough sleeping after some time. Father hadn't said anything at dinner too, so the night had played out as it usually goes. I did some of the laundry, cleaned the dishes, and caught my parents reading a book together.

Eventually we all went to bed. I should've done my homework too, but I couldn't focus. I couldn't even sleep. My father had received something from Hayato right on the day I had asked him some… inappropriate questions, and that kept me awake.

It was then, in the middle of the night, that my heart almost jumped out of my chest when I heard a carriage stopping in front of our house. I left my bed, stepping carefully over the wooden floor. I knew well which part of the floor was creaking, so avoiding it was as easy as breathing. I took my razor, which was a basically a small knife I used to shave and made way to my door. I stood there and stood for as long as I needed.

I heard a three legged man walk in, the distinct sound of a cane with two slow footsteps. The sound of his voice confirmed it. Hayato was here.

"It's good to see you, old friend."

"Equally, Hayato. I received your letter today, and I must say I've been worried since. What happened?"

"It's your son, Cao. He came to my house today. Had questions about how it was to be a writer. I found it awkward in the beginning, since everyone knows I've been retired for years, but then I remembered you might have told him I was still… working."

"I see," I heard my father mutter. Damn these walls were really paper thin, "Strange, is he interested in writing now?"

"Now?"

I think I heard them sitting in the living room.

"He told me months ago he wanted to be an architect." Father said, "Has been taking classes and already has some great drawings. It would be a shame for him to give up. Professors have told me he has a shot at going to the Academy at the Capital."

Huh. Nice to know. Why hadn't I been informed of this?

"I don't think you have to be worried, Tsu," Hayato assured dad, "I suspect his interest in writing wasn't… truthful. Genuine for sure, but he held something back."

"What you mean?"

"I thought it was better if we talked about this as soon as possible precisely because of this. He used today's opportunity to ask me about certain regulations writers have to face when dealing with publishers. He suggested indirectly something dangerous, but here I assure you he did a pretty good job at passing by as an innocent."

"What did he suggest?"

"He compared the censorship from the Earth Kingdom with the regulations our publishers impose on us, which are actually imposed by the State."

"God—"

"Look this way," Hayato continued, "Your son isn't dumb, because he is actually right. Its all wheat from the same harvest. He is very sharp."

"He hadn't slipped with those questions for such a long time," my father observed, "But after yesterday, I suppose we are all under some extra pressure. Thank you for telling me this. I will talk with him—"

"This is not all, Tsu," Hayato said, and I heard dad clicking his mouth.

"Your son did something today afterwards that left me speechless. He is a natural, Tsu."

"I'm not sure I like where this is going."

My hands were shaking, but I was engrossed by their conversation. I hadn't even let go of the razor.

"Your son pursued me for the rest of the afternoon in an outfit he cooked up in five minutes. We were walking to the market when we parted ways, just before crossing the Hai Lon Bridge. Shortly after, and detect this ma'am walking behind a couple of streets, and it really stood out on my mind, for a reason I hadn't puzzled out yet.," Hayato actually seemed to have fun telling his side of the story, "As I am going along the different stands, it comes to me why it had been something worth looking. It was such a similar outfit your wife used when we infiltrated the Jeweled Palace, at the exposition, 20 years ago. I look better at him, and there it is. It's Zheng Cao."

My dad started laughing, "That had been a close one. Didn't even remembered."

"Yeah, that it did." Hayato chuckled.

"But you detected him?"

"Only because his mother used the same outfit. No one else realized who he was. He had everything down. He walked like a lady, handled objects like woman, with care and grace, and I know how he actually is. Half an hour before, I had him walking besides me, and there was no trace of the femininity. He just turned it on to go along his disguise, and it was perfect."

My father sighed, "This is madness. Did he think you were going to give his name to the police?"

"Probably, and it's a good thing he's been suspicious. He's very raw, right now…"

"Hayato," My father said his name in a warning.

"Your kid could do great things in the White Lotus."

"Hayato!" Father hissed.

"After enough training—"

"The White Lotus doesn't train, only recruits, and there's an age threshold of 28 years old for good reason. It needs experienced men and women, not kids."

"He's already a great archer. We, the three of us, we can shape him—"

"I and my wife are not shaping our son to be anything. He will do it himself."

"Then let me explain to him his choices—"

"We cannot disclose the White Lotus to a child, Hayato."

Silence ensued.

"The war has to end, Tsu. After 100 years, there's fewer and fewer of us. If we don't pass our mission, the struggle—"

"We're retired. Fuck the struggle," my dad snapped in a hiss, "I've lost a son to it already."

Hayato left shortly after, and that night followed to be as slow as the previous one.

"Can a lotus be white?" I asked Lin.

We were both in the school library in the first interval the next day. Lee was reading a story, while Lin was making sure she was two chapters forwards from the class. I was catching up on homework I had due today in Mechanics.

"Isn't that flower usually pink?" Lin wondered.

"It's very light pink, though." Lee piped in.

Lin seemed visibly confused, "Since when do you know anything about flowers?"

"I was helping dad with a bouquet for my mom," he explained, "I looked up a few flowers."

"How would you put a Lotus in a bouquet?" I asked. The flower was amphibious, right? You found it in lakes.

Lee flashed a smile, "So, my idea, which father didn't appreciate at all, was to give mom an aquarium, a catfish, and a bush of lake plants. Tell me that isn't the most amazing bouquet ever!"

"Feels like you just want a catfish," Lee joked with a chuckle.

Lee rolled his eyes, but didn't deny. We resumed our activities.

The White Lotus, according to last night's conversation, had something to do with a war, disguises, my parents, and even my brother Han. Was it an organization within the Fire Nation army? Possibly. Perhaps a subset for those infiltrations Hayato mentioned. Was the White Lotus concerned with those operations?

Funny that it had 'white' in the name. Usually it would be something to do with 'red'.

And Han had been part of it?

I let the ideas steam for a few days, but I realized I was grasping at straws. I could find nothing on the libraries around the village about a White Lotus, and I wasn't going to ask around. Neither could I find anything about an Infiltration of the Jeweled Palace. It was a building on an island from the north of the Fire Nation archipelago, called Zumiko. The Palace had been the seat of many powerful merchant lords from the early days of the Fire Nation, before the Fire Lord had consolidated his power. Sozin had been the one to confiscate the Palace, and made it his summer house.

That's all I could find.

"Dad," I called from the kitchen, as I was washing the dishes after dinner.

"Say," he spoke from the living room.

"I need you to come here."

He took some time, which made sense. He was running some numbers on the finances, probably checking at the end of the month if all the numbers made sense.

"Everything's alright?" he asked me, coming through the door.

It had been a week since the night Hayato had come by. I had questions that needed answers, and it had been frustrating to find absolutely nothing on the subject. It simply hadn't existed outside my living room for that night.

My parents were always very discrete with what they did back in the capital. They had told me they were public servants, who worked in the Financial sector of the Royal Treasure. They had made some money, and together had left the Capital to enjoy their later years.

Now, I was pretty sure that wasn't the case. They hadn't been simple workers.

I felt I couldn't breech the subject through Hayato. I had to reach there naturally to avoid closing the conversation. I had to make my dad feel that there was no way to go about this other than telling me the truth.

"Dad," I said, placing a plate to dry besides the sink "How did Han actually die?"


	5. Ch4: Among Traitors

**Chapter 4: Among Traitors**

* * *

We went through each step.

Han died in an ambush orchestrated by himself. He was the one who had made it possible in the first place, but he hadn't been found out. He had been a successful spy. A spy for the enemy. Han had been a traitor, but the Fire Nation, in ignorance, had given him three ranks.

Sure, there was no funeral, but the gesture was there. The entire island thought of him as a hero. People had given me looks of sorry, but also of pride. A foolish pride, but pride nonetheless, because no one knew the truth.

What would be the consequences if the truth came out? What would happen to our family?

The Order of the White Lotus was an organization thought to be extinguished by the every single culture in the world. It had simply gone underground. An ancient and secret society that went beyond political and cultural boundaries. But for what purpose?

To seek philosophy, beauty and truth.

"But whose philosophy, whose beauty, and whose truth?" I asked my parents.

We were sitting in the living room, legs crossed over the floor, at the dinner table. My mother was at my left, and my father at my right.

"Truth is absolute," my mother told me.

"From my point of view, it seems distinctly dangerous. The truth of people who've committed treason."

"We did what we had to do—" my father started, but I didn't let him.

"You stole from the State. This house was bought by other's people hard work. It goes against everything you taught me!"

"It's exactly the opposite!" my father yelled, which was a rarity that shut me up, "The world isn't fair, Cao, and many times we have to make certain choices that aren't clear, nor straight, and all we are left is with intentions."

I shook my head, "Intentions are not the act. People perceive us by what they see from us, not by what we think."

"In a better world, that wouldn't be the case." My mom said.

"In a better world there would be no war." I observed.

Mother grasped my hand, "Cao, we did things against the State, not the people, do you understand?"

"But the State is the people! We are one! Can you imagine the chaos that would be if you were found out? How many innocents could've been arrested? And no one would be at fault! It would be a nightmare—"

"We knew the risks—" my father said sternly.

"Did you?" I asked with incredulity, "But pardon me if I can't believe in the strength of your belief, since you aren't there anymore. Let's say that is the truth. That what you did what you had to do because it was the only way. Why have you left? Why have you retired? If what you were doing was so critical that you had to cross all boundaries and commit treason—"

"Don't yell those words!" my mother hissed before I continued in a lower tone.

"Why did you stop? You went all the way to then just back off—"

"I was pregnant with your brother. We had to make a choice."

I took a hand to my temples and messaged them. With the prospect of a kid, my parents decided to take care of Han, and after I was born, I guess it would make sense for them to simply stay out. They were old now, and would probably be unable to have the athleticism. My father was still strong though, but I knew he was no longer agile as he was when I was a kid. He would go up in the trees with me when I was five or six, and it had been years since he had done so.

"So, you took care of us." I muttered, "But even if you disagree with how things are ran, how the Fire Nation is administered, you shouldn't—you couldn't have do the things you did. Thievery against the Royal Family…"

"The last 100 years, Cao, have been hell to many, and its all due to them. Sozin and his dynasty of bloodthirsty warmongers."

I flinched at the rebellious statement.

"I'm sorry if you were not ready for this, but you asked for it. Both your mother and I grew up with old family. We listened to stories from our grandparents about a freer world. They had gone to the large cities of the Earth Kingdom, some visited the temples of the Air Nomads, and gone to see the icelands of the Water Tribes."

I shook my head, "People like an break a country, no? TO be so sure of their methods, to destroy and corrupt the system from the inside. Suddenly everything would crash down. That had to be the only way this was over."

"We were prepared for that."

"But were the people?" I wondered, and my voice was now tired. The stress from this last week was finally catching up. "So many have been born in a world they couldn't shape, and they would have to suffer a calamity brought forward by people that could've done so by peaceful means."

"That's not… that's not how it works, son." My mother muttered, "We've gone way past the point of retreat. After 100 years, no one will admit they are wrong."

"They can be forced to." I rasped.

My father eyed me carefully , "What you mean with that?"

"Well," I started carefully, "for 100 years, the things we have been ding haven't been enough. We just need someone who does things differently."

"And you think you are that person? A boy from an island of fishermen?"

"Not yet." My answer seemed to calm my parents, who had grown tense, "But that's exactly what I need to fix right now."

"You told Hayato yourself. I need experience." It hurt for me to say those words. I wasn't going to be an architect anymore. I had decided. "This family has lost its dignity, its honor, and its pride. The Zheng name means nothing to those who know of its true face." My parents were silent, "I will enlist. If I want to change things, then I have only one choice."

"You are a year away from 17. You are not going anywhere without—"

My heart clenched, "You try to stop me, I'm ratting you out."

"Zheng Cao! How dare you!" mother yelled, and I yelled back.

"How dare you! My whole life, what is it? A construct? A conspiracy? I was taught to be virtuous by two thieves. My brother is no better. What is he now? An assassin? Sold out his allies in combat! His own home! You claim to want change and to have fought for it, but I grew up in a stolen house, not in a world without war—"

"You can't possibly fault us for the uphill battle we faced, and face every day, Cao!" father screamed, punching the table and cracking it.

We all stopped, and our breathing was all there was to listen in the living room.

"You are right." I admitted, "I have no right yet. But I will one day, after I do what I must. After I do what you and your order of traitors couldn't even grasp. I will end the war on the terms of the Fire Nation, and its people. Not based on what our enemies want, but by what we need."

Mother cupped her face with her two hands and muffled a cry. She had tears running through her fingers. Father wasn't much better. His eyes were red too, but he was holding it in. It hurt me a lot to see my parents in such a state, but I had to this, not just for myself, but for them. I had to regain the honor of this family.

For now, the Zheng name meant less than nothing. It was a burden on my shoulders by the irresponsible acts of my predecessors. It was up to me to make it worth something then.

"You are not a firebender," my father muttered, "Even as a promising archer, it will take years before you assume a position of power."

"Not if I do the undoable. Not if I become indispensable," I explained as I stood up, reaching for the exit.

"Where are you going?" my mother asked.

"To the barracks." I said simply.

"They are closed."

"Then I will sleep on the street and eat from the trash cans," I shrugged, keeping my voice tight as a tear fell over my cheek. I didn't want them to see it, so I didn't turn and kept facing the front door. I was ashamed of their actions, but also incredibly saddened by what I was about to do. But this was necessary. "I will return to this house when we have a right to. Until then, I'm out. You both do what you want. I will do enough so the three of us will be safe."

"Son, the White Lotus—"

"I will pretend that everything I've discovered in these past few days stays in the past. Tomorrow, I won't know what the White Lotus is, understood?"

My parents didn't answer. I suppose they didn't have words. I was thankful, because I was out of them too.

I left my house.


	6. Ch5: Scrawny and Short

**Chapter 5: Scrawny and Short**

* * *

After I woke up with a stiff neck from sleeping in the dirt, enlisting wasn't hard at all. The barracks office was rotated every month inside the provinces, as to avoid corruption and local nepotism. Now, I didn't know if the system really worked, but I did know that the people I had to talk with were not from the island. They didn't know my name, much less my family.

"Zheng Cao?" the woman asked. She wore light armor, typical of soldiers in administration. Those that were on the training yards and did the patrols usually wore heavier stuff. "How do you write your surname, Zheng? I'm thinking of two characters."

She didn't ask my age nor she didn't ask about my parents. I wondered if the lax registration procedures were on purpose. After 100 years, we must have been in need of new soldiers, so perhaps the military was making sure it was easy? Unless someone was obviously underage, they wouldn't stop you.

"Your profession?" she asked me.

Did I look 18? I couldn't stop myself from being surprised, but I had an answer in mind.

"Mechanic. Worked on small boats at the port."

I did think about being a fisherman at first, but I was afraid that would push me into the navy. I wanted to go to the Earth Kingdom, to the front of the war.

She nodded, writing it down and pushing a piece of parchment for me to sign. Afterwards, she called a man by the name of Izumi Hanako. He was tall and strong, skin slightly tanned, bald, had a trimmed beard, and everything that is supposed to make you fear fighting a man on hand to hand combat. The only thing out of place were his tiny eyes.

We left the administration building and went inwards. We circled the courtyard where a group of men were exercising, running around the perimeter while at its center, another group were lifting weights. I counted around 40 heads. Afterwards, we reached a collection of long cabins, which I quickly realized to be their rooms, and now one of them would be mine.

We stopped at the end of the fourth cabin, second floor. The space was tight, but sufficient for a life in the military. I didn't have a need for grandiose rooms, or kitchens, or bathrooms. I deserved little after all.

"You get the bed on top," he explained. I would be sharing the room with another individual, but it was clear I would have to wait for the end of the day to meet him, and then Hanako looked at me.

"What?" I asked, looking up to the giant.

"You don't have anything with you." He observed.

I nodded. That should've been clear from the beginning. Had he only now noticed? Is this what they call brawls for a brain?

"You homeless or something?"

"No," I sighed, "I just couldn't bear to stay home."

"Then why the dirty clothes?"

"I… look. Don't you guys get people who want to start over all the time?"

"So young, and already regretting your life choices?"

"No, it's just…" this man was strangely irritating. He had a bit of dumb look now that I paid attention, but he still gave me a bad vibe. I just want to serve my country." I finally said.

The man fleshed a smile, but I wasn't sure it was a good one, "That's the spirit."

They made me take a shower before starting the day, gave me a clean set of light clothes to do exercise. With the shift of nine in the morning, I joined the 'class'.

Now, I knew the military required one to be fit. Strangely, I had somewhat forgotten about it, that is, forgotten how much fucking of an effort would be to survive the first day.

We ran over the track for about 8 kilometers, although I was dragging myself after the third. While the majority of the class finished in 45 minutes, I and a few others took longer. I, however, took the longest. The few moments I had tried to slow down to a walk I had been admonished by our supervisor, Second Lieutenant Hoi Shi.

"Keep those feet and knees moving, Private Zheng! Up and down, for fuck sake! Should be something you learned on your ballet classes?!"

What the fuck was ballet?

It was around 11am when I finished.

"Fuck me not, Private Zheng. When I heard we had some fresh blood joining us today, I expected something alive," Hoi screamed at me as I came into a stop, "Straighten your legs and back soldier!" I did as he ordered, or tried. He wasn't very satisfied since he took hold of my shoulders and propped me up with his own strength. "Now, since you were the last of the morning run, you get the privilege of assuming janitor duties tonight. Be proud of yourself, this is what I call a successful integration."

I was trying my best to pay attention to him, but my breathing was extremely loud, and I was starting to get worried by the dryness of my throat. "Sir, I might need some water, my voice sounded like I was 80 years old."

He looked at me and I felt his eyes squeezing my soul, "Yeah," he muttered, "You are probably right. You've got permission. Meet me back here immediately after."

I bowed, my hands in front of me in gesture to a superior. I still remembered this from my history classes from last year.

The rest of the day followed with me partaking in many different groups. Hanako had explained to me they would be using the first day to test my physical prowess in different exercises. Since each class had their routine according to ability and specialization, I was skipping through them like a fish out of water.

They made me dig holes. They made me jump over obstacles. They made me slid under nets and bushes. They made me climb trees and rocks, mind you, with nothing stopping me from falling. The trees weren't a problem, but I stepped on a pebble that made me slid and I almost fell from the hillside. They made me climb a damn rope too, and then I fell with my hands burnt from slipping and skidding my palms against the fiber. After patching me up wit some cloth, they made lift some weights.

The pain in my hands was enough for me to clench my teeth the whole time. Adding the effort on lifting, I was positively livid. I suspect the anger at my predicament was also key for me to get through with the rest of the day.

It had been my choice to be here. It was evening now, and my parents hadn't come. They respected my decision. We had made a deal. I would get back our family's honor.

I would struggle, sure. I knew what I was heading into. I mean, I didn't know precisely, but I knew it would unpleasant. But by struggling, it would be just like a test. Before one figure's out their mean to study, tests are hard. It is something you have to endure, and then, after you figure out, its just a matter of doing over and over again.

Like reading a book. Like answering questions. All took practice, all took effort.

I just never had faced physical challenge, but if my muscles worked even a little like my brain, then I just had to get them used to struggle until they didn't.

That was to endure… right?

My body hurt at the end of the day, finally, I had been allowed to join the main hall for dinner, and afterwards, I would have a meeting with Hoi.

Suddenly, janitor duty sounded like such a nice activity. Very calm too. Calm and stable.

"Stable." I muttered under my own breath, before filling my mouth with another spoon of stew. I chewed and swallowed. "I had to be stable. I had to stay focused. Nothing I was seeing and feeling here could compare to life at the front of the war. There, people could die. Here, I was just tired.

"Enter," I heard Hoi after I knocked on his office's door. "Private Zheng, take a seat."

"Good evening, Second Lieutenant," I bowed.

Hoi hummed, "Zheng, I will be straightforward. It might be better to postpone your enlistment."

I felt my heart stopping, "Excuse me?"

He entangled his hands over his table, hunching forward, "You need to put on some weight—"

"That's what barracks are for, no?"

Hoi raised his voice, "The level of prowess and quality I expect from my soldiers is high, and we do have a schedule to comeplete. The Fire Nation is always looking into more men and women to serve a just cause, but… I like to send the best to the field. You can get there, I'm sure, but within the the regulated timeline—"

"I will not give up—"

"Private Zheng, watch your tone! This is the second time you interrupt me. Do it a third time, and I won't give a fuck about your scrawny ass, I'm gonna make you break your bones and wish you were born as a toothpick, and then kick you out!" he yelled as slapped his table, and I shut myself up.

"I understand that your love for your country has brought you here, but have some self-love. You need more time if you want to go to war and be, in anyway, effective. You will need to be prepared. I am making sure that happens! If I send your scrawny and short soul into battle, tell me Private Zheng, how are you going to kill the enemy? You are not a firebender, kid, so we have to raise the standard!"

"I can use a bow." I told him.

"Really?" he asked, and I felt the skepticism, "A bow? Where did you get a bow, Private Zheng?"

"I used to practice in the forest. I can hit targets at 50 meters." I spoke, and I made sure to sound confident, but not arrogant. I was telling him facts, not promises.

"There is a lack of archers in the army, Private Zheng. Are you sure you didn't overhear something like that? Are you sure you are not wasting my time, trying to buy some for yourself?"

I raised my eyebrows. Was that why he didn't believe me? "I assure you, sir."

He raised hand and passed his fingers through his bald head. It wasn't natural though, I could see the hair had been cut.

"Tomorrow we will have the few archers we have practice on the main courtyard. Why don't you join them?" he asked me, and I felt he was regretting his own words.

"I would be immensely grateful for that chance, Second Lieutenant!" I bowed, curving my back completely against my legs.

"Very well, then you will repeat the day of today tomorrow. Same exercises…" he said, and then looked at my clothed hands, "but the rope. We are going to wait on that, that is, if you even stay."

"Thank you sir."

Janitor duty was mildly annoying due to my difficulty at handling the broom. I had to clean today three cabins, though only the common rooms since everyone had to take care of their own bedroom, and martial arts arena.

After the long day, I even found the work in the evening relaxing. I was used to do chores at home, although the broom was usually left to my mom. She did seem to enjoy though, and now perhaps I could see why.

But even in the midst of some relaxation, I was still worried. My hands, using them would certainly be a challenge to shoot even a few arrows straight.

Well, a problem at a time. Now I had a sweaty martial arts wooden floor to clean.


	7. Ch6: The Bloody Bow

**Chapter 6: The Bloody Bow**

* * *

I was done being a janitor by 2 in the morning, and slept came quickly, but not gently. I had trouble calling them nightmares, since most of it came from my memories. My brother's later years, the news of his death, and uncovering my parent's past were very real and concrete experiences.

I had spent much of the night while scrubbing the floor searching in my memories. I was trying to find a clue, or any tip related to my brother's involvement with the secret Order of the White Lotus. I had promised myself that I would not delve into that rabbit hole. There would be nothing there right now but disappointment and deception.

If this secret of my family was out, I was sure my parents would be labeled as traitors, and myself too perhaps. I couldn't let that happen, or else I wouldn't be able to change the Fire Nation. I lost the chance to save myself the moment I decided to not rat my own parents.

Regret was something I wasn't feeling. I loved my parents despite their past. I was still, nevertheless, extremely bothered. My life had taken a drastic turn due to circumstance completely outside my control. I felt powerless and enlisting myself was but an insignificant act of discord against fate.

Enlisting was simply a consequence, and here right now, looking at my hands skinned palms, I didn't feel distressed at having joined it. At least not yet.

Using the tip of my fingers, I peeled the bandages slightly as to get a look on the skin. The cuts seemed to have closed, but the pain hadn't gone much away. Everything was fine if I didn't use my palms, but the moment I made the skin bend with any movement, my nerves fired up.

And today I had to use a bow in order to conquer my place in the army, simply because I was not a firebender. I know benders in every nation are fast tracked simply because of their power. What they may lack in strength, agility, brains, and charisma, can be compensated by controlling one of the elements.

My brother, Zheng Han, was a competent firebender. In one year, he had gained a squad to be responsible for, within a larger battalion according to my parents. By having him in the chain of command, it became much easier for the White Lotus to take action against my country.

Would there be spies in these barracks? It was clear that the chain of command was infiltrated, but I had to wonder, despite my promises against, how deep their hole was.

Hypothetically, what if the Fire Lord belonged to the Order? Would that be treason then? I guess it would be for the prince of princess, but for Ozai…? What am I talking about? Fire Lord Ozai would simply call out the war off if that was the case.

There was no way around it. If one was in the order, you were against the interests of the Fire Nation, the interest of the Fire Lord, and therefore, the interests of the people.

Two bangs on my room's door was all the warning we got.

My roommate, who I had yet to meet, raised himself from bed and stood up with his back straight. This was the first time I had actually seen him, since last night it had been dark when I came to our room and climbed my bed.

He was probably around my height, that is, short, but very muscular. I didn't doubt for a second that this guy could twist my bones. His hair, however, wasn't shaved like many here. He had it tied up in a bun at the back of his head, in typical Fire Nation style. I dropped from my bunker bed and fell besides him, landing hard on the cracking wooden floor.

We exchanged looks before an official entered the room. Then we just looked forward, and my butthole was clenched as the man entered and measured out state. I didn't remember his name. He had been an assistant to the training officials, so we hadn't spoken and neither I knew his rank. Nevertheless, it was safe to assume he was higher than me by a long shot.

He looked at my roommate from the tip of his uncovered feet up to his eyes, holding his sight for a couple of seconds. Afterwards, he did the same to me. Checking that both of us were awake, he nodded and departed without a word. We had around five minutes to be downstairs prepared for the day, and if you weren't ready… well, no explained to me what happened, but I imagined you got more work on your plate.

"I'm Zheng Cao," I introduced myself, reaching for a handshake.

He took it easily enough after a moment of hesitation, with a strong grip, "Dong Yanato, pleasure."

"So, ah—" I started, somewhat confused by my next words.

"Just dress up and brush your teeth," he told me as he picked a pair of red pants, "we talk and discuss roommate's shit later in the day, if you stay that is," and he fleshed me his teeth before heading to the bathrooms.

I was left there with my lips slightly parted. How the fuck did he know about it already?

It turns out, most were in the know.

After dressing myself up with some difficulty, making sure my hands would survive the process, I cam down to join the line of people from my cabin. I immediately received taps on my shoulders, cheeky smiles, and words of sound encouragement.

"Come one, Beelion, you can't fly out this soon!"

"Just don't point the arrow to anyone, or better, anywhere."

The official silenced us, and after that was done, we started our morning exercises. My results at the run hadn't improved that much, and I still ended up at last, but by less 20 minutes compared to my original time.

I had been able to hold on for a little while longer by keeping myself paced in the early moments, a tip from Second Lieutenant Hoi himself. He also advised me to control my breathing, and do my best to use only my nose to avoid pains in the abdomen. I wasn't aware why that worked, but it did.

It didn't stop me from ending the run completely exhausted, but it was an improvement. Silver linings, right?

Of course, I still went terrible on my obstacle races. I wanted to fault my lack of height, but today I kept taking notice of my roommate who managed to jump, dive, skip, and dodge with grace that defied my initial expectations of him. He seemed to be in top shape.

At lunch, I had the pleasure to try out another great dish from the barrack's cook. It was a soup, a special one though as its broth was less of a broth and more of a cream. Apparently, it had been because the seafood used had Starlobster in it, which affected the liquidity of the dish. At least that was what I overhead people talking. I was still pretty alone on these breaks, and I wouldn't expect it to change anytime soon.

Honestly, that was preferable today too. I used much of the time I had in lunch to try to figure out a way to use a bow with my damaged hands and still hit a target. I wouldn't be expecting to get any bullseye myself, and hopefully, Hoi wouldn't too since he knew of my injury.

Time passed faster than I would've liked, which neither allowed my hands to get better nor allowed myself to prepare a good strategy. After all, it all depended on the bow and arrow they would hand me to me.

When the time came for bowman practice, it was clear that the affair was a bit of a fun event to everyone around. People had gathered behind the archers and in the buildings that were close enough to watch them go at it. From what I understood, the army was in need of competent archers, and the barracks of my home island had only been able to produce a few. I saw a dozen—no—18 of them, with bows and arrows.

The first targets were set at the middle of the courtyard, which would be of a distance of around 40 to 50 yards. Most archers managed to hit the innermost circle. Maybe a couple failed to get that close with five arrows, but no one missed a target once.

Afterwards, they increased the distance to around 60 yards. This time, only half managed to hit once in the inner circle, and only three or four did it more than once. Four also missed a few shots entirely.

The crowd that had formed would cheer with each success and whistle with each failure. It had started to become a game, with people laughing and joking as the faux-tournament continued.

The next stage had the targets at the other end completely. I calculated that to be at around 90 yards. Of the eighteen, three managed good hits, with one actually claiming a bullseye, right at the red to on the center. The crowd clapped quite politely at that even.

"Now just imagine that as the Earth's King, and the war is over, lads!" someone said, and many chuckled at the prospect.

Killing the King was quite a way to end the conflict now, wasn't it?

After the last shot was fired, which had been a miss, the archers started to put their stuff together and clean the space. Was this all there was?

Looking at my side, I saw Hoi whispering with another official, and suddenly, one of the archers was called. He approached them, and moments after he looked at me, our eyes meeting.

Then he walked in my direction, meeting me, and gesturing me to follow him into the courtyard. I felt the stares at my back as people chatted laughed. I was sure they weren't really laughing at me, since that seemed to be somewhat nonsensical, but they were smiling at me. I suppose they were looking forward to some entertainment. If I fail, which is what they expect, nothing's lost. If I get it right, then they will still have a surprise, and all's won. For them, my success or failure meant nothing. Only for myself did this matter.

Somehow, that was a relaxing thought. No one was depending on me to hit the targets. It was just me, myself, and I. The power to decide my fate was in my hands.

I was handed five arrows, and a bow that was slightly larger than what I was used to, but still fitting to my habits. The bow itself was a composite one, made from horn, wood, and sinew laminated together. The horn was one the belly, which curved slightly towards the archer. The arrow too was longer than what I was used, but again, all I had to prove was that I was competent, not a genius.

A couple of archers pulled a target from the 90 yards down to close to 50 yards. I suppose Hoi was taking my account of my abilities to the letter.

I took an arrow to my hand and placed it over the bow without pulling the string. Holding the bow was already painful to my hands. I looked at Hoi, waiting for explicit permission. He nodded as soon as he realized what I wanted.

I looked forward and raised the bow, my left palm burning with my press. As I started pulling the string with the arrow, the pain increased my many times fold with the added force, and the hand that held the arrow started to feel unwell.

I breathed in, I breathed out. I kept my eyes on the target, trying to make sure my aim was adjusted, but the pain made it hard to concentrate, and much harder to hold the bow still.

My skin being ripped apart.

I let the arrow go, and it flew majestically towards the floor besides the target.

Some people laughed, other chuckled, and a few simply nodded.

Clenching my teeth, I grabbed my second arrow. I placed it above the bow and brought it up. Again, my hands burned as I fought against the strength of the string. As I held the bow, I felt my skin cracking under tension, my wounds reopening.

I breathed in, I breathed out. I fired the arrow.

This time it landed closer to me, still ending up on the floor.

My heart was beating louder, and my head was starting to feel heavy. I moved some fingers on my hands and I felt some warmness. Looking at the cloth, I saw some small stains of blood that hadn't been there before.

I shook my hands slightly as the bow rested against my leg, trying to get some air inside and ventilate it. It gave me a small measure of relief.

It gave me an opportunity to look around. Some people looked at me, and I understood their thoughts. They were wondering why I hadn't just given up. Looking at Hoi, he had simply kept his stoic gaze. I still had three arrows after all, and I hadn't called it a day.

Picking up the bow, I pulled an arrow and placed it ready to pull. I looked at the target again and wondered quickly about any new ways of taking this challenge on. I raised the bow, arrow in place, but still I did not pull it. Squinting my eyes, I aimed.

It was then that I decided to kneel, one knee on the dirt. Getting my center of mass closer to the ground, I opened my legs slightly for better stability as I pulled the string again. I would never position myself like this to use a bow, but my trembling hold and lack of accuracy was making me try some new things. Injuries did require some adaptations.

The bow was shaking, and my hand was burning again. I was already pressing my teeth tight, but now the rest of my muscles were tensing under the pain stress.

Squinting my eyes, I breathed in, I breathed out. The bow shook and I let go.

The arrow flew and it hit the top edge of the target, bouncing off and taking off a small chunk of it.

"Holy shit," I heard a surprised voice from among the crowd, but it hadn't been the only one. People cursed as they saw the damaged target, and I wondered if I would have to pay for that. Some were laughing too at the result.

I had two arrows left. Suddenly, my hopes of proving myself to be competent, without the need to be a genius, were being reduced to try to not be a liar, instead of being incompetent. I had told Hoi I could do this. I inwardly cursed.

If I managed to this convincingly, with two shots out of five, I suppose this could still work.

Staying in position, I pulled another arrow and took aim again. I pulled the string and I saw a tear of blood run down the bottom arm of the bow as an inferno took hold of my nerves.

I breathed in, I breathed out. I pulled the string further, my skin ripping apart. Finally, I let it go.

The arrow flew high, right over where the previous had hit the target, flying across the courtyard and landing at its end, in the outer circle of a target still at 90 yards, and this time, it stood quiet on the mark.

Some people clapped, but mostly there was silence.

I couldn't stop yet. I had one more arrow, and one shot on target could be deemed as luck. I didn't want to be lucky nor know as lucky. I wanted to be known as competent and be competent.

With the one arrow left, I clenched the bow a final time. After four trials, the fifth took a short moment to put it ready, pulling the string and letting go as I breathed naturally. The arrow flew out of the bow, a couple of drops of blood flew due to the release. The arrow ended up hitting the inner circle of the 50-yard mark, almost exactly what I had promised Second Lieutenant Hoi. It wasn't a bullseye, but it had to do… right?

I looked at Hoi, who was at the edge of the courtyard with other officials, and I felt the crowd looked with me at our highest superior present.

Our eyes crossed and he held himself quiet, the gears in both our heads turning. I wondered if he was trying to understand what I was thinking, just as I was trying with him. Did he think me arrogant for getting only two targets?

"Go to the infirmary, Private Zheng," he started all serious, "You will need your hands back if you want to survive training—"

I saw him smirk before I looked around. Hoi was interrupted by half the crowd cheering and screaming, while the other seemed completely lost. It was clear than only a portion knew of the deal I had between me and our Second Lieutenant. Nevertheless, I managed to catch on to a few individuals who were receiving a lot of coins, properly lucky that they had betted on the black horse against all odds.

After receiving some pats on the back and words of congratulations, I didn't let anything stop me from getting to the infirmary.

I needed some drugs. The pain in my palms was getting unmanageable.


	8. Ch7: Did I ask for your opinion?

**Chapter 7: "I didn't ask your fucking opinion"**

The first time I had seen firebenders train had been while doing a run on the beaches around the island. Twice a week, one of Hoi's minor officials would take our class and he would run with us, taking the lead of the group and setting the pace.

Running on sand was decidedly harder that it looked. At every step, the weight of your body sank your feet on the ground, and after only a few strides, I was feeling the added effort, struggling to keep myself at the same pace as my colleagues.

Apparently, due to the forests surrounding the island, Hoi had decided to take firebending training outside, besides the sea. Other than the obvious source of water if something went wrong, the open space also decreased the chance of problems occurring. Firebending and closed tight spaces simply didn't go well together for both the one practicing and the one overviewing it.

It was then that I realized my roommate, Dong Yanato, was among them. I had noticed his disappearance in the last few hours, and now I knew where exactly he had been. He was training kicks, raising his feet up as fire spread from his foot's sole, as well spinning and trying to increase the height his foot could strike.

Looking at the other firebenders, none of them had the same muscle mass as Yanato. They were all scrawnier and seemed to be in the need of some extra exercising. They were still miles better than how I had been when I enlisted, of course, but that was a low bar in the first place.

To leave that terrible shape, a particular exercise Hoi had pushed on me was handstand push up. I had a colleague who would be close and on the watch in case I needed, but after two weeks I had it down myself pretty well. I would descend, hold a couple of seconds, and raise myself, then waiting around three seconds to control my breathing. I pushed my feet down and stood up on my feet after 30 of them, arms prickling at the effort, but I was satisfied. This exercise had grown on me, much like most of them.

To take care of one's body and increase its limits was an essential part of life, I realized. It allowed for better health and more readiness to face high stress situations, and Hoi's trademark saying had really stayed with me.

If you don't move around, the world does it for you.

It made sense, after all, who's to say you will like what the world does for you? I certainly wasn't enjoying that experience. I was here to do precisely the opposite, to take destiny by my own hands.

The night was late when Yanato and I spoke more casually for the first time. We had already set rules for our room, such as cleaning timeslots and bathroom usage. The last one though, we had to get the whole cabin together since we all shared the baths. We didn't have enough showers for all of us, so people had to wake up up to half an hour before the bells if everyone wanted a go.

I pulled the string and let it go in one move. The arrow flew across the courtyard straight into the mid circle of a target at around 70 yards.

"You are getting quicker on the draw," Yanato noticed from behind me, his back against a building's wall.

I nodded, picking up another arrow and settling it on the bow, "I have been practicing. I doubt I will have a lot of time to dwindle at the front of the war." I pulled the string and let it go. The arrow flew at the same target, again hitting on its mid circle but this time to the left, "A bowman is only as good as the number of arrows he fires and the amount he hits."

"Almost like firebending then," he said, and I fired another arrow.

"I have an honest question," I told him as I pulled another arrow and let it go, "Did you have all that muscle before joining the barracks?"

"Not really," he shrugged, "I worked in construction, which did help me since I had to carry a lot of stuff, but that was it."

"Here in the island?"

"Not originally. I was going around the south of the Fire Nation in different branches of a civil company. It was a nice way to travel, although the pay was shit."

I nodded as I pulled another arrow and let go of the string. The arrow this time managed to land on the border of the inner circle. Amazing how months before I had no idea I would return to practice archery with such diligence.

"This really reminds of firebending to be honest," Yanato commented.

"How so?" I asked him, moving now across the field and picking up my arrows.

"You want to increase your agility, which further increases your flexibility. There are similar concepts in firebending, and we train regularly to improve those parameters. You want to firebend the most per chance you've got, since fire is an element that naturally bends towards destruction. You want to create as many fireballs as you can for example. Being able to create attacks that affect an area other than a target are also incredibly useful, since such gives you an opportunity to change position if it is well done."

"By screening your movements." I thought out loud, returning with arrows in hand.

"Exactly."

By propping another arrow, I aimed and let it go as quickly as I could. "Other than being quick on the draw, I'm not sure what I could—" I said, and then I looked at the stables. Well, there was one way I could become mobile.

Second Lieutenant Hoi had been against the idea in the first place. There are no trained officials for mounted archery, Zheng, he had told me. Stop making a problem! We have enough of those! We only have a few mounts too, so what are you expecting?

"You said you wanted to send the very best to fight in our nations' army, Second Lieutenant Hoi. Well, I'm trying to be the very best," I explained, "I want to do this, sir, and you what it means. When an individual engages in an challenge out of his own desire, there's—"

"Much greater chances he surpasses it," Hoi completed the saying for me, entangling his fingers over his stomach as he eyed me tiredly. "I am also familiar with the teachings of Woxin Maya."

That is, Woxin Maya for the Fire Nation, I had remembered, and Wo Xi Ming for the Earth Kingdom. That had been one of the first times I had realized the subtle differences between the different nations' literature and interpretation. Dad had a copy of the Earth Kingdom version, while everyone else around here had one from the Fire Nation.

Father believed he was indeed from the Earth Kingdom, and I think he believed what he was saying, but who's to say his traitorous views hadn't affected his perception of truth? He could be right, of course, but I had no means of being sure of either possibility.

"I see you are familiar with higher topics of war, Private Zheng. Does strategy interest you?"

"It does allow one to think for himself in battle. Better planning, better choice-making, better."

"Right, but some would say a soldier is better ignorant, so that it obeys orders and remains predictable by his officials."

I didn't answer immediately, "What do you think, Second Lieutenant?"

"I asked your fucking opinion, Private Zheng. Do not turn my questions around."

I bowed, "Of course, sir. I apologize. I lack experience in battle, and thus have no answer to such a question. I will have to start by trusting my superiors."

"Makes sense," he nodded with a brief pause, "To your question, Private Zheng, I admit I once had a strong opinion on the subject," he said, and he lingered in thought for a bit, "But now I'm not so sure. You have your fucking rhinos. Take it to the beach and organize a training session for the archers at this barrack. All of them. It is honorable for yourself to have the personal interest, but if one man pushes himself above all, I have no choice but to follow his example out of inspiration and make sure every other trainee under my supervision is aiming as high as his colleagues. You are dismissed, and don't you dare making suggestion this late again. It's too late to think."

Walking out of his office, I was both satisfied and annoyed. The responsibility of organizing a training session would probably be draining, but hey, this would help a lot of my colleagues to be further useful, and perhaps, would save the life of a handful in a future battle.


	9. Ch8: The War Board

**Chapter 8: The War Board**

Aiming down a bow on the hunchback of a Komodo rhino is as hard as it sounds. The animal not only rocked back and forth, his steps also made him swing sideways ever so often, which required corrections to the aim in a third axis of dimensional space rather than keeping yourself to only two.

This would require proper training, and the development of techniques that would allow us to not just suck, that is, until we received a knowledgeable instructor in the area. I spent the better part of my evening, even during dinner, writing down reports on our progress in the area per orders of our Second Lieutenant, Hoi. He wanted every detail and observation related to practice. I had unified in a few pages the most relevant observations from my fellow archers in order to create a stepping stone in mounted archery theory.

Hoi believed, even if most of it ended up being bullshit and easily corrected by an instructor, it would be good practice for myself. It would also help to keep in the archives of the barracks for future reference, which was ultimately what he told me to convince myself.

I spent the dinner alone reviewing those notes and verifying our repertoire of equipment and tools to craft whatever we may need. There was an archer, older too, by the name of Hinato Etaroi who was interested in developing better saddles for greater stability. Strings and springs could help the archer fight against the rocking of the Komodo rhino, if placed correctly. I gave a few ideas too, and we arrived at a four-legged suspended saddle design that seemed well thought enough to build a prototype.

The project was definitely keeping me busy, which was something I appreciated. Indeed, the initial solitude had done well for me after discovering the mess that was the past of the Zheng, my family. It had given me time to focus on myself and getting up to speed with the army, getting into shape and learning as best as I could the skills I needed to perform in the field. That's why I had enlisted, after all.

However, the loneliness was now starting to weight on my shoulders. Few people had friends, I noticed, because despite the occasional chat and joking that even now I was included in, there was little time to properly… how could I worded it? I had no friends like Lee and Lin here.

I missed them, but I was afraid of contacting them. I knew it would be an awkward conversation, for they would ask what had happened, and what would I tell them? Nothing. I knew how it would go. I would give them no satisfaction, and they would end up feeling more hurt then they had been at the beginning. It would be a futile effort, and unpleasant for them.

The following evening, I presented the results to Hoi, or I was trying to if he let the god man board on his desk alone.

"Sir, I need your attention to review some of these details. I also have list of materials and equipment that we lack, and some that I believe we should invest—"

Hoi raised a hand and bent himself over the board, placing a hand on the desk for support. It was the top down view of a forested region bordering a desert. Red and green flags spread through the map in what I imagined to be a front of battle.

"What would you do, Zheng?" he muttered before looking up at me.

"I'm sorry, sir?" I asked. I slightly sleepy, and I wanted to get this done before heading to my cabin.

"Here, at the battle of Quinquiang. You've heard of it, right?" my superior asked.

It was impossible to not know of it. It was one of the few battles the Fire Nation had lost in the last five years with an extremely high number of casualties. It was in the lips of every soldier since one of the officials had rattled their mouth, which caused it to spread through our camp. Apparently, the chain of command had asked to keep this quiet, but it had failed due to the sheer number of involved personnel. News had travelled fast with no control.

Still, it was a subject someone of my rank was not supposed to know about, let alone speak of it in front of officials.

"You have my permission to speak freely, Private Zheng," he assured.

I took a step forward and looked over the board, asking him to inform of him of about the spread of our troops and every single relevant information I could think of.

Their weapons, their armor, which animals we had, previous activities to gauge their energy and morale, and even commanders and favorite tactics. At the last one, Hoi told to go fuck myself, saying he didn't know. He was much less forthcoming with information about enemy troops, informing me strictly about what we knew at the time.

At the center of the board there were two mountains. One was occupied by a third of the enemy army, while the other hill was empty. I knew there were two other enemy armies coming from the north moving slightly to west, while we had one coming from the west to reinforce the main one, ours.

"Advance our southern army towards the second hill, get as much of a terrain advantage as we can. Use the rhinos to scout forward and make sure we are not in for a surprise. It would also be important to have a falcon ready to send a message—"

"You would not send it yet? To coordinate the initial position?"

I shook my head, "I would know nothing yet, we would be wasting time."

"So, the rhinos advance. Give it a turn?"

"Not only the rhinos, I would go to."

"As a scout?" he asked with disbelief.

"Knowledge is power." I said simply, and Hoi moved a couple of pieces on the board.

He moved one of the northern armies east, to position itself close to the north of the two hills, while the other moves west. At the same time, he showed a couple of key positions on the hill that our scouts would have probably seen.

He looked at me once again. "What now?"

"Now we send the falcon. We would write a message with urgency, to meet us at the hill."

"To fight on the hill? At their hill? What—"

"They are planning to do the same thing as us, look—" I pointed at the relevant figures on the board. "Each army is moving in to one side of the board, while the central army stays at a pillar of their strategy. Their army which is moving west plans to delay our reinforcement. If we had acted believing both were moving west, and circled the first hill, we would have ended up facing two armies, while our reinforcement faces their third group."

I moved a hand through my hair, which was cut short to help with the heat. It was a bit too spiky for my tastes, like freshly cut grass.

"Yes," I said, now more certain. "Our main army advances over the hill, the effort will be worth it. With the second approaching from the west, we will sandwich them, if only briefly, breaking them in detail."

Hoi nodded, changing a couple of pieces on the board. "There's two scenarios to be considered. One where their communications are more effective or less effective than ours. If they are in better shape, they could potentially intercept the western army earlier, while still engaging our main one with two armies—"

"Yes, but then we would have the hill at our backs, stopping them from flanking us, and we could ascend it in time to provide us with sufficient advantage for our defenses. With most of the firebenders in tis group, we could also burn the forest of their hill. The fumes would obligate them to descend their hill and meet us at ours."

Hoi nodded, "But it is at the hill that their main earthbenders would be too. They would block a lot of those shots, but I understand they do not have sufficient to properly screen the whole hill."

"We would have to keep them on the tips of their toes for this to work, prioritizing mobility in order to break them, but it could work provided we finish with their central army soon enough. We can then advance towards their hill and set up defenses against the rest—no wait, I burned the forest. That would not be ideal."

"Retreating to the second hill would do the same purpose." Hoi reminded me.

"It would… but I'm worried about letting them set up the field. If we hand the initiative, their numerical superiority would be worrying. I would needed a detach of mounted infantry, and as many archer as I could, to hunt down the earthbenders," I told him, suddenly a couple of realizations popping on my mind, "If the central army broke, and their earthbenders were mostly dead, this could potentially deal a fatal blow to their morale."

"I suppose we would never know," Hoi sighed, "The original idea, which is what I believe we tried to do, was to sandwich them in their hill. Problem is, the officials at the time coordinated positions too soon, and were not able to predict the split of the Earth Kingdom's army. It happened exactly as you said. The Earth's central and northern army faced our lonely southern group, while their third intercepted and delayed our reinforcements. After routing what we had at the hills, our group at the west fell quickly."

I nodded, "I see. How many dead?"

Hoi shook his head, "Even I do not know the number, but its high, in the tens of thousands. We have been only asked on our opinions on how to deal with the situation."

"Is that why so many officers know about this? Because that's not a good way to keep this quiet."

"Not only. We have also been asked to ask whoever we believed could give an acceptable answer. Unfortunately, you've done just that, so now I have to write a report."

I hesitated. Was I in trouble? "Is there something wrong—"

"Nothing of the likes, Private Zheng. But since you show a keen interest in strategy and show a natural propensity towards initiative, I thought you could be an interesting candidate."

I nodded. "I see, sir. Well, now about the reports, I suppose we should go through—"

Hoi waved at me towards his door. "Do whatever you want, just leave here the list of what we need to buy, and I will take a look at the spending. Now go and let me finish for tonight. You've given me a report to write."

Bowing to my Second Lieutenant, I left his office as commanded. My bed hugged me warmly as I sank into my sleep.


End file.
